Very Personal Recollection

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Very Personal Recollection

Postby Harbinger » Fri Jun 29, 2007 6:48 am

I was doing some cleaning on my HDD and found some of my older works. I came across this and removed some cliches, structured it for an easier/quicker read, and just general polish. I felt it was good before, but now I feel that it is something worth sharing at large. Honestly, this experience was put out of my mind quite awhile ago, but retracing it was such bitter-sweet nostalgia. I hope those who care to read the full length can appreciate this.

~~~~~

I had finally received the closure I needed. Three years I had waited for this, believing it to be misfortune that a nightmare from my past should re-emerge in my life upon my return to the USA. Only until that night did I understand the true design behind it. She was moving yet again as well all do in the military, so naturally we met one last time to say our goodbyes.

When I had arrived at the theatre, there was a bitter taste in my mouth already as she was almost 20 minutes late. She being a she, you never let her know that of course. Five minutes into our reunion I felt as though I had just traversed the Sahara barefoot; conversation had never been so dry in my life. I guess this is why whenever we met it was only to watch movies. However, all of this is immaterial. What is important is not how the entire night began or progressed, but how it concluded.

Several hours passed and our films had ended. Our attempt to resume conversation only failed quickly into an awkward silence.

"When did we forget how to talk?” I queried.

An uneasy expression began to contort her face as she looked down slightly. After a brief pause, she gently brushed her wavy auburn hair aside to adjust her dark-rimmed glasses. In that moment I had remembered how beautiful she truly was. Tall, fined featured yet full figured, with a strange sense of homemade fashion that was as intriguing as it was bizarre.

"I'm not sure, but I guess that's my fault for not hanging out with you so much this year."

"Yea, this feels weird. We used to talk for countless hours every day back then."

"Yea..."

"It's not completely your fault though, if I hadn't left you back then, it would be different now. I still never told you what that was about did I?"

She looked up at me with an amount of anticipation I hadn't seen in anyone's eyes in ages. I'm not sure if I meant to utter what I did, asking her such a question I already knew the answer to. However, I think my subconscious compelled me.

"No-you didn't.” I could hear the timid quiver in her voice. I knew even now that I was going to savor this moment for the rest of my life.

We walked outside onto the giant marble steps that led up to the theatre. Gentle spring rain began dabbing the old masonry with soft kisses. The flowering plants flanking the steps blessed the night air with their aromas, rejoiced in their midnight drink. The sudden quiet of the small junction town had felt as if it has always been. The sullen tranquility was as much a part of the buildings as the stone and brick themselves. The door closed behind me, and I briefly gazed down the road at a railroad light blinking yellow-- warning "Caution" to all on the road.

She and I were completely alone now. Everyone had since left save a few of the girls we were with waiting in the car across the street. I was gentle at first, because I didn't want this encounter to become too emotional. Truthfully, I thought I had forgiven her because I had moved past her transgressions. However, when she seemed even less affected than I...that is when I loosed the gates at let out a part of my hell. She would not be granted the mercy tonight that I had bestowed so long ago. At great length I began to relate why I had disappeared without explanation in every livid detail.

In a calm manner that was almost inhuman, I commenced venting about how badly she had wounded me. I reminding her of how I poured my soul out only to be thrown away then drawn back in whenever she needed an ego lift so many countless times. I elaborated about how she pitted me against one of my closest friends simply for her petty games. She claimed that I was her best friend; which was not untrue. When she needed me I was always there for her to unwittingly use and manipulate at her petty whim.

I raged.

My voice ascended to the point of echoing off of the stone building and into the empty downtown. Her emotion was starting to stir, but that only fueled my inferno. A train was coming in through the station nearby--blasting its horn as a sign of danger to anyone caught in its path.

I continued...

As the first singular tear caressed the length of her soft cheek I felt a wave of liberation and satisfaction cascade over my entire being. At that moment I wanted her to die of weeping; slain by her own guilt. My euphoria soared ever higher as more tears leapt from her face to mix with the fallen rain on the cold wet stone beneath. I by no means am a vindictive man, but this was Justice.

Every painful shudder of hers brought such sweet satisfaction as I relentlessly released every bit of agony she wreaked on me those years ago. My voice faltered somewhat at the interruptions of my own occasional sob. The unchaining of so many repressed demons was too powerful for me to maintain my usual composure. My tears weren't bitter tears--no, they had no salt. Mine were as much from relief as they were from reliving all of the wrongs done unto me. It was her fate to realize what crimes she had committed. It was her punishment to know what a horrible capacity dwelled within her.

Believing that she had not known any of this before would have been too egotistical, but I honestly doubt anyone or anything had ever confronted her like this. Actually, I doubt anyone else really could. She had never been closer to anyone than me in her life; and until I met Virginia, I would have had to concede the same. It is difficult to believe that we had only known each other for a year and a half before I had made my revelation and abandoned her. Despite such duration, we had made enough history by then to compensate for half a lifetime of separation. For these reasons and more, she knew these words spoken about her were nothing other than the damning truth.

Her ride flashed its lights from far across the road and she had to leave. Knowing this was the end, we held one another tightly that instant. She cried more profusely still and apologized for all the horrible things she had done. Her sincerity was felt it utterly, and I forgave her. After a long while of standing in that rain I began to loosen my grip. We paused to stare into the other’s eyes for a moment that lasted a century, exchanging everything from thanks to apologies and greetings to goodbyes without a single breath or motion. Following a kiss on her forehead, I brushed the tears and rain from her cheeks and told her she better get going.

I remained there in the rain pacing for some time. The drizzle had become much heavier since she left, but I stood in it anyway. Perhaps it was only then that I noticed how much harsher the rain had become--I don't know. Circling in my walk, I watched the reflection of the electronic billboard color every moist surface of that aging river-town with hues of red, green, and gold. I could taste the heavy wind from the river escape between the trees in a shrill release only to embrace the hushed emptiness of the downtown. Beginning to feel slightly saturated by it all, soon I started to sob quietly to myself--half in joy of absolution--half in sadness for everything that happened.

Laying that chapter of my life to rest was such a beautiful euthanasia. The first person I ever thought I had loved was gone. Stranger still was that this prospect only made me rejoice. Alas, the damage I had harbored for 3 years had now been finally returned it to whence it came.

She was forgiven and I hold no malice towards her any longer. For when she walked down those steps, she walked into oblivion. No longer was she a person, but rather a transcendent figure into my history, a mere memory of the past. One I hoped to never meet again.
"I am never wrong. I thought I was once, but I was mistaken."
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Postby Egaladeist » Fri Jun 29, 2007 8:05 am

Another budding writer in our midst :D

Very compelling story Harbinger...between you, lce, dino, maybe I'll revive the idea of a sub of TAZ stories :D
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Postby Timaxe » Fri Jun 29, 2007 8:18 am

It was nearly 4-5 years ago when I first read what you wrote here, but this moment that you've described still sticks out in my memory as if I had experienced it myself.

All these years, and I can still hear the train off in the distance, myself looking down the streets with a sense of victory keeping me standing in the rain. Amazing writing.

There seem to be some new changes in the beginning, but it reads better now than it ever has before.

Cheers & Kampai, -Cliff
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Postby Elsparrow » Fri Jun 29, 2007 11:24 am

Damn that's good.

Actually made me think about some things in my life, maybe it's time I put some closure into action.
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